It�s been a hard week since the baby was born. The baby stuff hasn�t actually been the hard part, believe it or not.

Labor was great, but delivery got a little scary. I pushed for three hours and then I spiked a fever and the baby�s heartrate started jumping into the 160-180 range. The doctor ended up needing to use forceps to deliver the baby.

She�s perfectly fine, which was my main concern when the doctor initially said �forceps.�

I, on the other hand, got ripped to shreds in the process.

I had already started to tear so he cut an episiotomy. Unfortunately, that wasn�t enough and I tore through the episiotomy and ended up split from top to bottom. I also had internal vaginal tears (which I guess are pretty rare). It took the doctor well over an hour to get me stitched up after the baby was born.

The amount of swelling and tissue trauma is unreal. (My OB said, �I�ve seen worse.� I wanted to reply, �Well, I hope so, you�ve been doing this a number of years. I, however, have NOT seen worse, and this amount of injury was totally unexpected!!�) I am missing a lot of muscle functioning and some feeling. At this point, the jury is still out as to whether some of that will be permanent or whether it will get better as the swelling goes down and the healing continues.

I am literally limping around the house because of the pain. I�ve taken two Vicodin every four hours around the clock for over a week now, which merely takes the edge off. I can�t sit down very easily (even on a donut pillow). It even hurts to lay flat on my back, because of all of the swelling.

Of course it was all totally worth it.

Our little daughter is the most beautiful thing I�ve ever seen. She�s delightful. Every day I see her learn something new and we keep joking (but we�re not really joking) that �she�s growing up too fast!�

Breastfeeding is way easier than I thought it would be. We will find out tomorrow whether or not she is gaining enough weight � but I think she probably is. She�s pooping and peeing up a storm, so I think that�s probably a really good sign.

She has the unfortunate day/night confusion � she sleeps like a champ all day and is up all night long. This is a bit of a bummer, because I would like to get some sleep now and then � but she can�t help it and we�ve done a good job taking turns in holding her and rocking her so that Blue and I both get some cat naps.

Blue is the most wonderful father. He�s a natural (well, except with the diaper thing). She is immediately soothed when she�s in his arms, which is just lovely to see. And I just enjoy watching them spend time together.

All of the pain I�ve been going through, and the scary �some of your injuries might be more permanent� stuff I�ve been hearing � all of it is totally worth it.

This baby is the second great love of my life, and I�m a lucky woman.

Now I�m going to catch some sleep, hopefully, before she decides she wants to eat again.

More updates soon � I promise.