I don�t go around worrying about it. But when I�m in a group (at church, at work, in class, whatever), I just kind of get the feeling that most people don�t really like me.

I don�t feel like I�m hated, or despised, or anything of that nature.

Just that most people don�t care for me too much. I�m tolerable, but they wouldn�t go out of the way for me.

I know it comes from years of being bullied at school as a kid and not having had very many established, long-term friendships as a child. I know it�s a perception mostly based on a very very very very past reality, and not based on anything going on now.

But it�s still there, always, in the back of my mind.

I also don�t feel like I�m ever really a part of a group. I don�t feel like I belong to the sisterhood of infertility bloggers, for example. Nor do I feel like I belong with a group of pregnant bloggers. Nor did I feel like I really belonged on the adult sports team joined a few years back. (I could keep listing groups that I don�t feel like I belong to, but really, that�s sort of depressing, so I�ll stop after those three examples.)

Interestingly, this feeling doesn�t stop me from being me. I probably am more genuine than I might otherwise be because I don�t spend a lot of time thinking I need to impress people. I am who I am, and they don�t care anyway, so I�m not changing now!

Imagine my surprise, though, when the girls at work (where I work on a VERY part-time basis) threw a baby shower for me today. I knew they were doing it (they had to know when I was going to be there, since I�m so part-time), but knowing that there was going to be a shower did not prepare me at all for the outpouring of friendliness and generosity that hit me when I walked in the room.

There were probably 25 women who joined in the shower-lunch at various points over the course of a few hours. It was a potluck thing and everyone took breaks at different times and came to join the shower.

They had a huge cake for me � for me!

And the gifts they gave � so generous. They all pooled their money and one of them went and did all of the shopping, and bought us so many wonderful, lovely, incredibly generous baby gifts. (Let�s put it this way � these women put more time and effort and money into this shower than Blue�s and my own families did a few weeks ago for a little family shower.)

I am so blown away I don�t even know what to think. I had a small Sally Field moment in my head (they like me! They really like me!) � and I guess I need to start taking a new look at the way I interact with the people around me.

Maybe I am more a part of things than I think I am. Maybe I�m not as much on the sidelines as I think. Maybe people have more than just a passing tolerance for me � maybe they really like who I am.

The thing is � I like who I am. I always have. And I know my family likes who I am. And my husband likes who I am. And I think my daughter will like who I am (until she�s a teenager, and then all bets are off, right?).

I�m just really surprised that maybe others like me, too.