I wonder if the baby was going through a little growth spurt or something, because I was also hungry all day long.

Ugh.

This week is going to be tough. Today wasn�t so bad. Tomorrow is going to be a little worse. Wednesday through Friday are going to suck.

And on Saturday, instead of sleeping in (which I can�t really do anyway, since the whole sleep thing doesn�t seem to work too well), I�ll be waiting for the refrigerator repairman to arrive, sometime between the hours of 7am and 12pm.

So the suckfest should be over by noon on Saturday. I hope.

This will be the last time I complain about my week. I�m officially going to do my best to make the most of the week from here on out. No sense in wallowing in how much it�s going to suck when I can try and have a better attitude, right?

Better attitude starts now.

34 weeks, 3 days pregnant.

After all of this time, I still can�t believe I�m pregnant. Infertility is such a head trip. It had such a firm grasp on my psyche that it was really hard for me to let go and enjoy this pregnancy. I still catch glimpses of myself in the mirror and have to pause and look twice in disbelief. Failed IUIs, failed IVFs, a hideous ectopic pregnancy � then a couple of frozen embryos (unbelievable!) and now a little baby is actually on the way. What a miracle.

That puts the above bitching about my suckfest week in perspective, doesn�t it?

And my patients this week will also remind me to get a grip. Nothing helps me cut through the bullshit of my own life faster than spending time with people who are dealing with cancer and chemo and death.

I hate that I have to be reminded that I�m lucky. That even without this pregnancy, I am a very fortunate individual. Life is really pretty damned good, as a matter of fact. A little mental kick in the pants is good for me.

Finally talked to the family member who had the most complaints about me from the other weekend. I was hoping to just apologize (for what, I still don�t really know) and move on. My sibling was, shall we say, rather stick-up-the-assy about the whole thing. Instead of just accepting the apology, she went out of her way to try and make me feel worse.

I feel much better, actually. So her plan backfired.

What are sisters for if not to torture you every once in a while, right?

But her reaction to my apology was to pile on the guilt. Which suddenly made me realize that I was probably right to begin with, that there wasn�t much to apologize for and what we were dealing with were her issues and not mine.

So in my head I said, �Oh, fuck your petty issues.� And I ignored her guilt, and I felt MUCH better about things. And then I felt even a little righteous indignation that she was messing with me for no reason.

All better now.

I let it roll off of me, because what�s the point in arguing with family? You still have to deal with them, even when you�re right. And, like in marriage, being right in an argument with family isn�t necessarily the best choice. It often makes things worse, not better.

And I�m all about ease. Peace. Calm. Letting it roll off of me. She can deal with her own issues � I�m not going to take the bait.

Very glad to have it all resolved � at least as far as I�m concerned!