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"In this tempestuous, havoc-ridden world of ours, all real communication comes from the heart."

- Etty Hillesum

August 31, 2006

Excited. Sad. Glad. Paths diverge.

Started my last class this week � the last class I have to take before I get Master�s degree #2.

I was soooooooooo over it before it started.

However! I�ve been pleasantly surprised at how much fun it has been so far.

Of course, I haven�t set foot in the classroom or said boo to the prof yet � I�ve only started my clinical portion.

As a Nurse Practitioner student, I have to spent a zillion hours this semester matched up with a *real* NP, and I will be seeing patients.

I started my clinical work on Tuesday � I merely shadowed my NP buddy and tried to look smart.

Today she threw me to the wolves � she brought me in to the exam room, introduced me to the patient, and walked out. So I did the full exam, from chit-chat to review of systems to focused physical exam. Figured out what the patient needed (including drugs). Got her all set. Left the patient, conferred with the NP (who approved my plan of care) and delivered the plan to the patient.

I felt like a total imposter. Hee!

Apparently, I did just fine.

So tomorrow I have my own schedule of patients. I�m going to sneak in to the office a few minutes early and read through the charts so I have somewhat of a handle on things before my NP gets there. Nothing like a little prep work to take away the whatinthehellamIdoing anxiety.

I�m excited.

I�m actually so excited about the work I�m doing at this clinic that I�m getting a little sad about the timing of the baby. I�ll finish this class and � then I�ll take at least a few years off to raise the first baby.

I won�t take my last few required courses or take the boards for a few years � which means that all of the stuff I�m doing now � is somewhat of a waste of time, strictly speaking.

Kind of makes me a little sad.

I�m also delighted. Delighted that my path includes a baby and the luxury to be a stay-at-home-mom.

But now I�m sad that I have to put my new NP role aside, before I�ve even broken it in.

Ah well. I never thought this IVF cycle was going to work. I assumed that I�d be taking this class and the next class and then getting a job as an Advanced Practice Nurse and working full time and hating it because I was doing that instead of being pregnant and having kids. Grass=greener.

I always said that I would be glad to take time off from my career if and when it was my time to have a baby. And I am glad. I can only take one path at a time, and the career will always be there. I�m going to be here, with a baby, in a few short months.

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Last Few Entries

Back? - November 10, 2007
Just a break. - June 19, 2007
Caddy day in the pool. - June 05, 2007
Sleep! And sleep, and sleep! - June 01, 2007
Happy days are here again ... - May 30, 2007

� More about Etty Hillesum, the woman in the photo.�