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"In this tempestuous, havoc-ridden world of ours, all real communication comes from the heart."

- Etty Hillesum

August 19, 2006

Bad week.

Not much to say today, I think.

I had a crummy week. Awful pain. Several days with drug hangovers because of the pain medication. Was asked by family about friends to invite to the baby shower � I have, um, two girlfriends, one of whom lives out of town and most likely wouldn�t come. (Threw a small pity party for myself over my lack of girlfriends.) Supposed to have a friend come visit this weekend (the one who lives out of town) but she canceled the trip. (Canceled for good reasons, but that didn�t make me feel any less lonely at 12pm yesterday when I was supposed to pick her up from the airport but instead was hanging around by myself, throwing part II of the pity party.)

So I�m very very grateful that this week is now officially OVER.

Blue played hooky yesterday afternoon (you can do that when you�re the boss) and came home. Our quality time together consisted of a 3-hour nap. It was definitely what we both needed � me because of the drug hangovers, him because he�s been working his tail off.

This morning (Saturday) at 8am Blue went back to the office. (You have to do that when you�re the boss and you play hooky on a Friday afternoon.)

So I�m sitting here alone, again, feeling a little lost.

I have two choices: I can get off of my duff and do my weekend chores (vacuum the carpets, sweep the hardwood floors, dust, clean the bathrooms and kitchen) or I can go back to sleep. I�m having a hard time deciding which to do. I guess that�s why I�m doing the activity behind door #3 � writing in the journal.

I�m at 23 weeks and 1 day today. Had my first Braxton-Hicks contraction this morning. That was interesting. My whole belly tightened up, stayed tense for about 30 seconds, and then released. No pain, just a general feeling of weirdness. My reaction was, �What the heck is � oh, yeah. BH. Okay.� Then the baby started kicking � probably with the same response.

Oh, here�s another choice for what to do today: finish cleaning my stuff up out of the baby�s room so I can start painting. I did a great job of getting most of the room cleaned out. I had piles and piles of stuff � give away, throw away, put away � and now I�m down to the �put away� stuff. Just not sure where to put it. So every time I go into the baby�s room and see small piles of stuff that need to go somewhere, I instantly think of other things that need to be done and I close the door. I am procrastinating.

I should really get off my butt and do something. Maybe if I feel productive and get some of the chores knocked off my list, I will feel like I�m worth something today.

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Last Few Entries

Back? - November 10, 2007
Just a break. - June 19, 2007
Caddy day in the pool. - June 05, 2007
Sleep! And sleep, and sleep! - June 01, 2007
Happy days are here again ... - May 30, 2007

� More about Etty Hillesum, the woman in the photo.�