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"In this tempestuous, havoc-ridden world of ours, all real communication comes from the heart."

- Etty Hillesum

March 24, 2007

Merrily we roll along!

Yeah, it was the nanny thing that made Blue mad.

But not because I needed one, or even got one.

He didn�t like the idea of a stranger being in the house.

He must�ve had some stranger-in-the-house trauma as a kid. Some mean babysitter or something. That�s all I can think of.

He came home that night and said, �I wasn�t mad at you. I thought I was. I needed time to process.�

I can accept that. We all need to sweep out the mental cobwebs every now and then.

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She can roll!

Baby Catnip can roll!

Two days ago she taught herself to roll from her back to her tummy. Then, of course, she�d be stuck on her tummy with no way to get back to her back. After a few minutes, she�d squawk and I�d flip her back over.

Tonight, while Blue and I watched, she figured out how to roll from her tummy to her back.

She first rolled from her back to her tummy. Then she stayed still for a moment. Then she started moving her legs and arms, trying to figure out the right combo. You could SEE her brain working on the problem. Finally, she slid one arm forward, bobbed her head toward that arm, swung a leg, and BOOM! She was on her back again!

We screamed and yelled and clapped, we were so excited. We scared the HECK out of the baby, we were so excited.

It is just absolutely fascinating to watch your baby learn things. Just amazing. So much fun.

My reactions were:

Hooray!
Sob � my baby is growing up!
Damn � she�s got me on the run from now until she leaves for college!
Crap � no more plunking her down on the bathroom floor and taking a leisurely shower!
Hooray!
Sob � my baby is growing up!

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I�m interested to understand how my experience as a mother is different from others�. Not as a contest, or a �who is doing it better� type of nonsense, but just from a learning perspective. I�d really like to know what other mothers are feeling and experiencing, and how they are handling those feelings.

I have a few favorite mommy blogs that I read pretty regularly. A couple of them never EVER mention any of the difficulties of being Mommies. They blog about the simple and pure joys of motherhood. I often wonder � aren�t they experiencing ANY of the stress I am? Are they really so chilled out and centered that they don�t get frustrated by the sleep deprivation? The complete life change? The learning curve? Any of it? Or are they just not blogging about these things?

I love being a Mom to Baby Catnip. I think it�s the most fabulous thing ever. But I feel very little shame in admitting that this is absolutely the hardest thing I�ve ever done. And I feel like somehow it�s not okay in many others� eyes to admit that. It�s not okay to need help. And that bums me out � because if I�m feeling like that, surely other mothers are, too?

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Don�t know if I�ll get a chance to update for a few days. The next few days are going to be a bit crazy around the Catnip household (crazier than normal).

I see the uro/gynecologic surgeon on Tuesday morning to find out what, exactly, my damages are and whether or not they�re fixable. Keep your fingers crossed for me!

Previous - Next

Last Few Entries

Back? - November 10, 2007
Just a break. - June 19, 2007
Caddy day in the pool. - June 05, 2007
Sleep! And sleep, and sleep! - June 01, 2007
Happy days are here again ... - May 30, 2007

� More about Etty Hillesum, the woman in the photo.�