Yesterday was an awful day.

Baby Catnip went in for her 2-month wellness checkup. She�s great � right on track for growth and development.

Then she had to get her vaccinations.

One oral med and four shots. FOUR shots.

Owee.

It�s the first time I�ve seen real tears in her eyes � and watching her cry louder with each shot just broke my heart a little more each time.

She recovered fairly quickly (or so I thought) and we went home.

Later that afternoon, Baby Catnip and I met my mother at the mall to do a bit of light shopping. She had been napping in her car seat and stroller, had eaten lunch, and seemed to be doing okay.

After about 45 minutes she woke up and started screaming, the likes of which I have never heard from this child.

�She didn�t eat a ton at lunch,� I said to my mom, �So let�s go to the Nordstrom�s women�s lounge and I�ll feed her.�

She screamed all the way from Macy�s to Nordstrom�s, and couldn�t (wouldn�t?) calm down once we got there. Her body temp was up (no thermometer, but she felt HOT to the touch) and she was crying as if something was really, really wrong. She refused the breast and just continued screaming. I have never seen her behave like that � it was really disturbing!

For the second time in one day I saw real tears in her eyes.

I held her and rocked her for about 45 minutes in the Nordstrom�s women�s room lounge until she was quiet enough to put back into her stroller. Then I said goodbye to my mother and hightailed it home.

I gave Baby Catnip a dose of Tylenol and took her to bed with me. She whimpered for about 45 minutes and then fell asleep. She slept for 3 solid hours � the longest daytime nap she�s ever had, I think. I dosed her again after 4 hours and she seemed to be feeling better. She woke up enough to eat, then she�d fall back asleep. She slept pretty well last night.

God. I hate that she was in distress and there wasn�t anything I could do about it. I mean, when the breast is refused and being in the Baby Bjorn just pisses her off even more, I know there�s something really wrong.

I can only guess that the combination of the exhaustion from the doctor�s visit, the pain from the shots, a lack of nap, not enough food, and then feeling some sort of reaction (headache? Flu-ish?) from the vaccinations just short-circuited her little brain.

I think the day really did me in.

This morning I woke up depressed.

Blue told me he�s going on a 3-day business trip in a week and a half, and I just started weeping.

Sure, he gets to go away and sleep uninterrupted for 3 days and 3 nights. He gets to eat, sleep, and shower when he wants to, with no distractions. He gets to interact with adults.

Me, I�ll be lucky if I scrape together enough time to shower twice while he�s gone. I doubt I�ll be able to cook any meals (she really is THAT high maintenance right now � can�t put her down). It�s not fair, and I�m terribly bitter about it right now. Terribly bitter.

I love my daughter. I do. But I am just wiped out. I have no reserves. I used them up weeks ago. I�m just toast.

I don�t think it�s post partum depression. I think it�s a lack of sleep combined with a high maintenance baby combined with the pain/incontinence issues.