I asked my physical therapist about my pain. She seems to think that I will probably have ongoing pain for upwards of 12 months.

So I learned that I shouldn�t ask a question if I don�t want the answer.

And here�s another thing I wish I didn�t know: pelvic floor muscle massage is really weird � especially being on the receiving end.

Meanwhile, Blue keeps making jokes (but I think he�s serious) about getting me pregnant again.

I�m about to pull my hair out because (a) the angel and light of my life, baby number one, is pretty darned high maintenance, (b) the first childbirth experience was less than stellar, and (c) I haven�t slept for more than 2 hours at a stretch since sometime in early December � I can�t even fathom having two little children in the house at this point. And if baby #2 were as high maintenance as #1 (or, God forbid, colicky), I don�t know how I�d cope.

The above paragraph is the one that will make infertile people cringe. I would�ve cringed while reading it a year ago, with a �tsk, she doesn�t know how good she�s got it� feeling to go along with the cringe.

But here�s another cringe-inducing statement for my infertile friends: if you had told me before I got pregnant that you could guarantee I�d get pregnant but that I�d have to trade my infertility for bowel incontinence with severe pelvic pain to go with it � I�m pretty sure I�d have told you to hand my pregnancy to someone else.

Having said that, I�ll also tell you I wouldn�t trade my daughter for the world. I just need to take one look at her and I have that feeling that must be a universal one � I would do anything for this child. Anything. She is the most amazing little creature, and I am just so overwhelmed by her. I don�t feel worthy to be her mother. I�m constantly afraid I�m going to screw something up. And I can mostly � mostly � shelve the pelvic pain and incontinence and enjoy my time with her.