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"In this tempestuous, havoc-ridden world of ours, all real communication comes from the heart." | ||
- Etty Hillesum |
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February 11, 2006 |
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A little shot�ll do ya. |
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I gave up caffeine, artificial sweeteners and alcohol 2 weeks before transferring our two embryos early last December. After the ectopic was diagnosed for sure, and the methotrexate/lap/d&c/sledgehammer stuff was done, I decided to stay off all of the sauce (except for alcohol) � because it was hard to give them up, and I didn�t want to deal with that again. I made a mistake this week. I drank two cups of high-test coffee, on Tuesday and Wednesday mornings. Wednesday night and Thursday night I had two of the worst bouts of insomnia I have had in a long, long time. The wide-awake, go run a marathon, read the entire paper, watch some TV, cook a meal, then come back to a warm bed and still not be able to sleep kind of insomnia. So last night I took matters into my own hands, chemically speaking. I took an ambien (my last one � sob � I�m a drug hoarder, I got an Rx for 10 ambien about a year ago � I saved the last one until I NEEDED it), I took a vicodin (still having pain and wondering if it�s a contributory factor) � then I crawled into bed. And I woke up ten hours later. Rested. Alert. Ready to face the day. AAAAH. Thank GOD. Thank Cthulhu. Thank the Universe. Thank the Biochemists. Thank the Pharmacy. Now I swear I will stay off the caffeine from now until after the next baby ordeal is overwith. There is no way I want to deal with this crap again. And Go Me, being all optimistic like we�ll actually get pregnant and have a baby and have some sort of end of this �ordeal.� That�s optimism, the likes of which I haven�t felt in ages. (Oh, and I had an interesting typo that I fixed, above: I was trying to type embryo, and it came out �embryoyo.� Why, if that isn�t the most Freudian slip of the fingers in recent memory, I don�t know what it is.) |
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Last Few Entries |
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Back? - November 10, 2007 |
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� More about Etty Hillesum, the woman in the photo.� |
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