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"In this tempestuous, havoc-ridden world of ours, all real communication comes from the heart."

- Etty Hillesum

January 16, 2006

It's ectopic. Or, it was ectopic.

Well, well, well. You think you know what�s going on with your current (doomed) pregnancy and then BAM, you get blindsided.

On Wednesday, the doctor did an ultrasound and couldn�t find anything. That isn�t terribly unusual, because my hCG numbers were so low, he shouldn�t have been able to see anything. But given the date of conception (known practically to the minute with the whole IVF thing), he should have been able to see something. A sac, an embryo, and a heartbeat.

So he was certain that things were not right and that I would probably miscarry as soon as he stopped my supporting hormones.

I stopped taking the estrogen and progesterone supplements on Wednesday, and went back in for a blood test on Friday morning.

At 3pm on Friday afternoon, my nurse called.

�Your hCG numbers are still going up. That�s not good. That means that the pregnancy is ectopic, and you run the risk of a ruptured fallopian tube. We need to take care of this today.�

Take care of it. Meaning � inject me with methotrexate, a chemotherapeutic drug, to kill the developing embryo. Because it�s in the wrong place.

I thought there was nothing worse than �letting me miscarry on my own.� I was wrong.

I was sent to the lab for STAT bloodwork. Then I had to go to the pharmacy to pick up methotrexate. Then I had to go to the doctor�s office.

When I got to the doc�s, we had to wait a few hours. They had to check my bloodwork before they could give me the methotrexate. Thank goodness that Blue was with me � I would�ve gone nuts if I had to do a two-hour wait plus two injections by myself.

We finally got the go-ahead to do the shots � and the nurse came in, took care of it, and we were allowed to leave.

The rest of the weekend was (thankfully) uneventful. I�ve started spotting and cramping � my body is now doing the work it needs to do to finish off this pregnancy.

Honestly, I never thought I�d be relieved to be at the end of this ordeal � but I am. I�m glad it�s going to be over. I�m sad, of course. I�m devastated. But we�ve known for a few weeks that things are not good � and I�m just glad that the end is in sight.

On a positive note: as soon as my hCG levels drop to zero, I will start back on the pill. Oh yes, it�s ironic � in order to get me pregnant, I�ve got to do a month on the pill. Once I�ve hit my next period, we start the hormones and get ready to transfer some frozen embryos. Whee! There�s hope � and hope and hope and hope. New life in the future. It�s going to work next time.


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Last Few Entries

Back? - November 10, 2007
Just a break. - June 19, 2007
Caddy day in the pool. - June 05, 2007
Sleep! And sleep, and sleep! - June 01, 2007
Happy days are here again ... - May 30, 2007

� More about Etty Hillesum, the woman in the photo.�