She saw that I was pregnant and told me that she used to be a doula (birthing assistant). She also told me that she has three kids of her own.

That was the extent of my introduction to her � we really hadn�t had any conversation at all (and almost no small talk) and then she proceeded to say the following:

�Just so you know, giving birth is absolutely the most excruciating thing you will ever go through in your entire life.�

Gee, thanks, bitch.

Seriously. What kind of a jerk would say something like that to a woman who is going to deliver a baby in about two weeks? What the hell is the point of saying something like that?

She guessed (incorrectly) that I had about six weeks left until I delivered. And she also said (incorrectly) that the baby must not have dropped yet. I corrected her on both points, and then promptly ignored everything else she had to say. Because seriously, she had no credibility at all at that point.

I had to be nice to her on the surface, because she�s a business-type associate of a family member, but inside I was really disliking her.

I made Christmas cookies today for three solid hours. I was on my feet in the kitchen, pretty much standing in one spot, rolling dough, cutting out shapes, putting them on cookie sheets, sticking them in the oven, putting them onto cooling racks, and then lather-rinse-repeat.

My back, my knees, and my feet are absolutely killing me.

This cracks me up.

I spent 45 minutes in the gym this morning with my personal trainer and felt great afterwards. Lots of weights � just a really great workout.

Then I stood still for 3 hours and I feel like I want to cry.

What is UP with pregnancy!?

This is ridiculous.

I swear to god, I feel like I�m about 65 years old.

And when I squatted down next to the washing machine to get my wet clothes and put them in the dryer, I actually groaned out loud � �aaaaahhhh!� Because my knees hurt so bad.

Sigh.

I�m ready to have this kid any time now.

I think it�s going to be a pretty quiet weekend � which is fine by me. It�ll be chilly (in the 60s), and that�s good book reading, napping, and cuddling weather. I�m all for all three activities. Especially since baking cookies taxed me to the limits.

Can you believe it�s December already? Where did the year go?

It was December 11th of last year that I had the egg retrieval that ended up in this successful frozen IVF cycle. That�s a little over a week away. It�s so weird to think that the baby in my belly who isn�t even born yet has really been in existence for almost a year. And that she has six potential brothers or sisters in a freezer somewhere.

Bizarro world.

Thank goodness for technology. I am so thankful for it. I�m grateful that so many braniacs have worked on fertility issues for so long, so that Blue and I can be parents. We�re lucky as hell, and I never forget that for one second. My reproductive endocrinologist deserves every penny that he earns. He keeps up with the latest developments, he does his own research studies, he is one of the best REs out there, and he really cares. And his office is open 365 days a year, which is simply astonishing. (Not that he works every single day � but still. At least one doctor from his practice is in the office every.single.day. of the year.) Oh, and he�s absolutely adorable, too, which is a nice little bonus.

A friend of a friend is starting her infertility journey. She chose my doctor, which I found out through my friend. And she knows he is my doctor, and that ultimately he got me successfully pregnant.

She has had several failed medicated IUIs now (that�s where you give yourself shots to promote the maturation of one or more eggs, then you trigger ovulation, and they inseminate you with your partner�s �washed� sperm). I had several failed medicated IUIs � I remember them well. Ugh.

Anyway � I feel bad because I would really love to talk with her and be a support for her � but I get the feeling she doesn�t want to have anything to do with a pregnant lady.

Which I totally understand. I have literally run and hidden from pregnant women because I couldn�t deal with being in the same room with them. I totally get the feelings of being jealous, angry, upset, and God knows what else when faced with someone who is successfully pregnant while you�re repeatedly failing at getting pregnant.

So I keep trying to support her through my friend. I keep telling harrowing stories of my infertility journey, and I tell her to pass them along. �Remember that time we all went out to dinner, and I had to take a phone call from the pharmacy, and they couldn�t ship my drugs to me on time, and I started bawling outside of Chilis, and they had to ask me to leave because I was upsetting the other diners? Tell her that one!� I urge her.

Tell her about my past pain. Tell her about my hurts. Tell her she�s not alone. Tell her there�s hope.

There�s definitely hope.

And then there�s the jerk who tells you that giving birth is the most excruciating thing you will ever experience �and although you are really annoyed at such a thoughtless comment, you don�t care. You don�t care for one minute if the pain is so horrific that you pass out from it � because it will be absolutely worth every bit of pain. Every bit of trauma. The physical pain � that�s nothing compared to the emotional pain of being infertile. Of wanting to have a baby with your partner and not being able to, no matter how much time and money and effort you pour into it. No matter how many shots you give yourself, and how much your ovaries hyperstimulate, and how much weight you gain from all of the hormones.