I have a small group of women that I talk with online daily about infertility issues. We all transferred frozen embryos at about the same time � and following the general likelihood of these things happening, about half of us got pregnant, and half of us didn�t. A few are still waiting to find out their results � and about half of those women are sure they�re pregnant, and half of them are sure they�re not.

I found myself censoring my words today as I �talked� with the group.

What I wanted to talk about was how awful I�ve felt physically the last few days. That the morning sickness (gah, what a lie � the morning, afternoon, evening, middle of the night and every other time sickness) has really been a burden the past few days. That I felt so bad yesterday that I completely spaced taking my 4-times-a-day estrogen and nasty prenatal vitamin � giving myself a complete and utter heart attack (crap! If I miscarry it�ll be all my fault!).

But I couldn�t talk about that stuff. I felt so self-conscious � like I couldn�t �complain� about pregnancy symptoms because it would cause resentment. Which it very well could. And it�s not complaining � really it�s not. I am delighted to have pregnancy symptoms. I don�t mind them � they�re just affecting my life and I wanted to talk about them.

I wish I had some pregnant friends � girls I could talk about all of this stuff with. I�ve got plenty of friends who are already moms � they give me the nice, been-there-done-that advice. But I want to talk to someone who feels like I do right now � to commiserate. To say, �I had to sit down while blow-drying my hair, too, because I almost passed out, just like you did! Too funny!�

Oh well. What did Mick say? You can�t always get what you want.

In other news, my shopping trip to the grocery store yielded two purchases:

• Saltines
  
• Gauze pads

Ah yes. Saltines for those times I just can�t eat anything, but if I don�t eat anything, I�ll feel worse. And gauze, to sop up the progesterone and blood that trickles out of my wounds each night when Blue gives me my shot.

What a fun trip that was! $7.83 � for gauze and crackers.