I think it�s mainly driven by hormones and sleep deprivation. (Duh!)

I�m either totally frustrated that Blue isn�t helping me enough around the house and with the baby and giving him the finger when his back is turned (seriously, how childish am I?), or I�m clingy and emotional and professing my undying love to him with �can�t live without you� type sentiments.

I guess both are valid sets of feelings � and they can co-exist.

I would really LOVE to feel a bit more stable. I�m sure that�ll happen sometime in the next six months � right?

My child is ridiculously stubborn.

Generally, when kids �cry it out� to go to sleep, it takes less and less time for the crying to lead to sleep. You know, 20 minutes the first night, ten minutes the second night, five minutes the third night, and then they�re sleeping like champs.

My kid is the reverse. Four minutes the first night. Ten the second. Many the third. And so on. Tonight � well, it�s been about 35 minutes, and she refuses to give up. She�s not crying steadily (thank god, or I�d be a wreck), but she�s staying awake and letting me know she�s very unhappy. She�s fussing and crying for a few minutes, and then she�s chilling, and then it�s like she�s saying, �Hey, I�m still here, and I�m still not asleep, MOM �� with more whining and crying. Just when I think she�s got to be out, finally, the noise starts up again.

UGH. It�s painful. PAINful.

Overall, though, I see a huge difference in her since we�ve been doing this. She�s sleeping longer, she�s sleeping better, and she�s much happier during the day. Her cranky self has been replaced (mostly) with sunshine.

So I know it�s the right thing to do. But boy, is she stubborn. I wonder if that stubbornness will carry over to her older self � because if so, we are in for some serious battles of will. I�m going to have to figure out how to handle it if she�s really that stubborn in a few years!

Did she get that from me? I don�t think I�m that stubborn. Maybe I am. Hmm.

I was a freshman student at the Univer.sity of Flo.rida when the Gaines.ville mur.ders happened. It was the first week of school, and they closed down the campus. The dorms were closed � I had to fly home for four or five days right after I had gotten to school. It was a pretty frightening time for the students � especially the women, who were the ones apparently targeted in the killings.

Hadn�t thought much about that time until this week, when the stuff at Vir.ginia Tech happened. But all of a sudden this week I�ve been flooded with some PTSD-type flashbacks of being a helpless college student � feeling like some innocence was taken away from me. And I feel bad, certainly, for all of the people who died and all of the folks who have loved ones who died. But I also feel bad for everyone else on campus � those whose easygoing fun na�ve college lives were taken away. Life won�t ever quite be the same for those kids � and that�s not fair, and it sucks. I feel for them, I really do.

Probably no update until after my second opinion this week. Hoping for some good news, but expecting to hear the same thing I�ve already heard � that the pelvic floor issues can�t be fixed. That way I can�t be disappointed � just keeping expectations low to preserve my fragile sanity.