I used to be an excellent sleeper � 9 hours a night, never woke up, always felt great. Recently, though, sleep has been less than ideal. Getting to sleep � easy. Staying asleep � not so easy.

Generally, we�re in bed by 9:30 or 10pm. And at least twice a week now I wake up at 2 or 3am and am WIDE awake for a few hours before I can get back to sleep.

I believe the heart of the sleep issue is a situational insomnia. There�s been a lot going on in our lives in the past six months, and my body and brain are having difficulty processing it all. So I end up with vivid nightmares and a wide-awake spell a few times a week.

Two days ago I went and saw a new primary care physician. I�ve had the appointment for a few months (he was hard to get in and see � had to pull a few strings to even get on �the list�). Sadly, my old primary care doc, Dr. Wonderful, retired about 4 years ago. I switched to a new doc about two years ago, and while she herself was great, her staff was a pack of idiots and I couldn�t bear dealing with them. Unfortunate, but that�s the way it is. Healthcare is a consumers� market anymore, and I�ll be damned if I�m going to pay that amount of money and get treated like crap WHEN I�M SICK.

I�d been putting off getting a primary care doc because of the whole �maybe I�ll get pregnant� thing. You know, all of the little complaints I might see my regular doc about I�d think, �Well I can just see the OB about that when I�m pregnant.�

Well, the whole �when I�m pregnant� thing wasn�t working out so well, so I finally caved and found a new doc.

A delightful man. A puppy � he looked about 20 years old. (Oh, well, he had to be at least � 30, right? Four years of med school would put him at 26, and then some residency and internships � ha ha. He�s really probably about 40. But man, he looks young.) He came HIGHLY recommended by one of the doctors I work with, though. And since the doc I work with is really one of the best in his field in town (anybody who�s anybody in town who ends up with cancer ends up seeing this guy), I trust his recommendation completely.

So the new doc was GREAT. I mean, he came out to the waiting room to get me (unheard of!). And then took me back to his office and offered me a cup of coffee (what?!). And then proceeded to talk to me for at least 20 minutes to get a thorough history. I almost passed out, it was so weird. He listened to me. He joked with me. He looked a few of my recent records up online (he�s got access to all local lab, radiology and hospital records). And then when we agreed that we had talked for long enough, we went into the exam room and he did a physical.

I told him he was my good luck charm � that the only reason I�m pregnant is because I made the appointment with him. He thought that was pretty funny. I, however, am not entirely sure it�s not true. This whole fertility thing is voodoo at best � it�s such a complicated crapshoot that quite frankly, I�m amazed we�re all here.

One of the problems that Dr. Puppy and I talked about was my insomnia. (Oh, and here�s another thing I loved about him � he has the �the patient knows her body� philosophy. He pretty much went on my instinct � didn�t poo-poo my nurse knowledge. Again, my socks were knocked completely off.) So when I offered that I thought it was nothing serious or medical but just a situational �my brain is overloaded� type of insomnia, he agreed.

He wrote me a script for ambien. He gave me 30, with 4 refills.

HOLY CRAP!

I�ve been able to weasel ambien scripts from doctors twice. Both docs were willing to write me 10 days worth � �but no more.� A lot of docs are scared of sleep meds, and even though ambien is not habit-forming or narcotic or anything scary like that, they just don�t like giving it.

Dr. Puppy apparently thought it was Halloween and didn�t want to see me with an empty sack. He threw enough ambien my way to give me several months� good nights� sleep, if I needed it.

And now, the irony of the situation sets in.

Here I sit, wide awake. Pregnant. Unable to take my precious ambien. (I didn�t get the script filled � I simply held onto it and put it in my special drawer. I might frame it, so I can look at it anytime I want.) *sniff*

Dr. Puppy and I had talked about the fact that the pregnancy may or may not be viable. I told him my track record and my current (as of Monday morning) numbers, and he agreed that things were a wee bit iffy. So he gave me the script �in case.�

Bless his little pea-pickin� heart.

And oh, how lovely I�d be sleeping right now if I weren�t pregnant. Why, I might even be snoring as I dreamed not of nightmares and crappy numbers, but of happy fantasy scenarios � like getting pregnant.