�Does that feel okay?� she asked.

�Um, relative to what?� I joked, uncomfortably.

Seriously, though � electrical stimulation of the extern@l an@l sph!ncter � NOT FUN!

Oh, sure, you bondage-and-sadism people would pay top dollar for the experience � but that�s neither here nor there.

I just have this nagging feeling � call it my gut instinct � that I am not going to recover fully from this. Some of it is based on what my doctor and the physical therapist have said (or haven�t said). It just doesn�t seem totally fixable.

So I�m pretty down. I�m feeling really, really low.

Thank God I have such a beautiful daughter to show for my troubles.

Speaking of which � my RE (infertility doc) wants to meet her. So we have an appointment next week to take her in so she can meet the man who helped bring her into the world. Very excited about that � I just confirmed things on the phone with my nurse � she said she couldn�t wait to see us. I�m excited � it�ll be a warm, fuzzy meeting with them for sure.

Not much else going on. Lovely weather today � took the dogs and the baby for a walk. Boy, I�m out of shape. (And no working out for the time being, either � apparently it can screw with the PT. So I�m only allowed to walk.)

Tomorrow looks like it will be even nicer, so I�m planning another walk. It�s the little things.

Also seeing my therapist tomorrow. I kind of want to skip it, because I�m really frigging angry about this whole my-body-isn�t-working-right thing. I know it doesn�t sound logical, but I really want to be angry. I don�t feel like hanging out in a nice, therapeutic, spiritual environment and dealing constructively with my feelings. I want to drink a bottle of wine and cry myself to sleep.

Ah well. I�ll tell my therapist that and we�ll have a nice discussion about it. Heh.