Ok, so I had more than four readers. I jest. I had, like, five.

There�s a man in my house, installing two new toilets.

Blue gave me a bidet for Christmas. I know, you�re all swooning with jealousy at such a fabulous gift.

Actually, you should be. I don�t know why Americans are so uncivilized when it comes to toities � bidets are the be-all end-all of luxury, in my opinion.

This is actually a bidet toilet-seat � you can get them at Home Depot online for $500. Basically the thing has two nozzles (�front and rear�), heated seat, warm water wash, warm blow dry � it does everything but serve you tea whilst you do your business.

Of course, the plumber who was supposed to install my new toilets and my new bidet toilet seat said, �I don�t know nothing about those, I can�t install that ��

So I will have two new toilets and my bidet seat will sit in a box until I can find someone to come out and install it!

Dang! No heated seat tonight. No warm water wash. No heated air dryer.