Blue has had a baby sleeping on his chest for the past hour or so. I�ve been scurrying around, doing chores. You know, feeding dogs and cats, doing laundry, straightening up the kitchen and bedroom � all of the stuff that doesn�t get done when I�m holding or feeding a baby.

Blue just shooed me into the bathroom to do a sitz bath. �You haven�t done one of those in a while. Go do one.�

Good man.

We still have horrific day/night reversal in the household. Yesterday we kept her awake from about 7pm until about 11:30pm, in the hopes that she�d sleep better at night.

Didn�t work. It simply meant I missed my evening opportunity to nap as well as my nighttime sleep. Har har.

I keep threatening to put her in the car seat and take her for a nighttime ride before bed so that she�ll sleep for a while � but I haven�t done it yet. It�s pretty involved � plus it requires that I be awake enough (and off of the painkillers) so that I can drive. Hmm. Not necessarily the best plan, given that I�m exhausted and still in pain. So � no night drive for us � YET.

Interestingly, the sleep deprivation probably makes the pain/incontinence issue feel worse � and the pain/incontinence issue probably makes the sleep deprivation feel worse.

About once every other day the incontinence issue hits me in a bad way and I cry my eyes out for a while. If it weren�t for the sleep deprivation, I probably wouldn�t cry so much. I�d still be bummed out, upset, and worried � but I wouldn�t be sobbing uncontrollably.

Well � not much I can do about EITHER issue right now � so I am just trying my best to be as happy as I can.

Yesterday I watched an episode of �Inside the Actor�s Studio� � the one with Michael J. Fox. He talked about what a blessing his Parkinson�s diagnosis was, because he no longer takes anything for granted. He also talked about how he refuses to be upset and cranky about things � he would rather channel all of his energy towards good.

It did me a great service to watch that. Made me think, �Hey, my problem really isn�t that bad � there are much worse lots in life, even if it does end up being permanent.� And to see someone with such strength in the face of something so awful � well, it seemed to lend me some strength when I was needing it, myself.

Wuh-oh. I hear a baby crying. Sounds like hunger.

Ah, yes � Blue just came in with a crying baby � �I�m hungry, Mom!� he translated for me.

Time to get off of my sitz and go feed the baby.

Just FYI � I go see my OB again on Thursday � at that point I guess we�ll know whether a GI specialist is in my future for sure (I�m pretty sure it is). And I�m going to see my therapist on Friday � haven�t seen her since the week before the baby was born. So that�ll be good for me � I�ll get to toss around some of these awful feelings with my fabulously trained professional. And I�ll be sure to bring plenty of Kleenex with me.